


Spider-Man Makes Deadpool's Brain Flat Line

by bankedleft



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, humor?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 23:22:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7128002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bankedleft/pseuds/bankedleft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tiny team of engineers that work in Deadpool's brain try to keep things going while Deadpool's brain experiences a complete system malfunction when Spider-Man's words of friendship prove to be too much for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spider-Man Makes Deadpool's Brain Flat Line

In Deadpool’s periphery he catches sight of another spandex clad hero roaming New York. Well, Deadpool roams, this guy swings with a purpose. Deadpool straightens up and leans over the edge of the roof top to call down to the other hero swinging quickly by below him.

“Spider-Man! Hey, hold up!” Deadpool calls to him, waving a hand to get his attention. 

He doesn’t really know what he wants to talk to Spider-Man about, just chatting with the guy is worth while. Deadpool watches as Spider-Man swings a U-Turn and flings himself onto the same building Deadpool is standing on. He crawls up the wall inhumanly fast and straightens up right in front of Deadpool’s face.

“How’s it hanging?” Deadpool asks.

“Uh, fine?” Spider-Man responds, “What did you need me for?”

“Oh, well, I didn’t really need you. I just want you! To chat with me,” Deadpool says while placing his hands on his hips.

“You stopped me just to chat? About what?” Spider-Man says. He doesn’t look impatient but Deadpool knows how important his time is.

“We’ve worked together a lot, Spidey. You should know I never have an actual reason for doing stuff,” Deadpool says.

“No, no. We worked together enough that I know that you always have a reason. Now, what is it?” Spider-Man says while checking his surroundings.

“Honesly, I just saw you and flagged you down,” Deadpool responds.

“Is that it?” Spider-Man asks, returning his attention to Deadpool.

“Yes, you’re a busy guy. I get that. Go on! I guess I’m not as pressing a matter as New York is!” Deadpool says with sigh to punctuate his fake sadness.

“I am very busy right now. But if you still want to chat later we can hang out or something,” Spider-Man says.

“Wait, you actually would want to hang with me?” Deadpool asks, clinging to Spider-Man's approval.

Deadpool stands completely still as the words casually leave Spider-Man’s mouth, “I can't right now! I need to get downtown. But of course I’d hang out with you. **I love you, man!** But right now there is a…”

 

CURRENTLY, INSIDE DEADPOOL’S BRAIN

 

“Fuck! What just happened to the auto-stabilization?” Pilot 1 yells across Movement Center located in Section Cerebellum to Pilot 2.

Pilot 2 responds, “All autopilot circuits are down! I repeat, all autopilot functioning is down!”

Pilot 1 yells out, “Dammit! I’m trying to— Damn it! I can’t manage his balance on my own! Get over here and help me stabilize his core muscles before he falls over!”

Pilot 2 shouts back, “I can’t! Lung functioning has switched to manual, I have to pilot respiratory functioning myself!”

“We are way too under-staffed, here,” Pilot 1 yells out in anguish, while pressing the intercom, “This is Movement Center making an all call! No sign of physical trauma, why the fuck is this brain off line? Cognitive Functioning, do you read me?”

The microphone speaks back, “This is Cognitive Function to Movement Center, how long can you keep him going?”

Pilot 1 says, “Not much longer! Pilot 2 has to handle respiration manually, we are blind in here. Why the fuck is this brain off line! My pain sensors indicate no physical injuries! Healing Factor can’t help us!”

“The origin is emotional, Pilot 1,” the intercom spouts back.

“Then fix it, Cognitive Functioning! Get this brain back on line! Now!” Pilot 1 shouts and turns the intercom off to concentrate.

 

In the Frontal Lobe, a single eery alarm is sounding off in the Cognitive Functioning command center.

Captain 1 descends a ladder and calls out to the rest of the crew, “I’m heading down to get the Amygdala back on line!”

Captain 2 calls back, “Hurry, Fear Reaction is our quickest way out of this mess.” Captain 2 turns to Engineer 3 and yells, “Do a hard reboot!”

Engineer 3 responds in a shaking voice, “The— There is— Nothing to reboot! He flat lined! He fucking flat lined!”

Captain 2 pulls Engineer 3 from their swivel chair by their shirt and yells in their face, “Pull yourself together! And make it happen!”

Engineer 3 plops back into the chair and turns to Engineer 2 and says in a solemn voice, “Do it.”

Engineer 2 nods and removes their head set and takes off running to the back on the Frontal Lobe.

Captain 2 presses their finger into the headset they are wearing and says, “Captain 1, Amygdala status update?”

Though the buzzing Captain 1’s voice rings out, “God, there is junk and rust everywhere! I need 60 more seconds to reconnect it to the mainline! Even then I can’t promise anything.”

“We don’t have that kind of time!” Captain 2 shouts back. Captain 2 leans into the wavelength monitor and follows the straight, flat line with their eyes. Under their breath slips out, “Its all up to you, Engineer 2.”

“I’m getting some chatter!” Engineer 3 shouts, perking up and pointing to a large monitor overhead. The image on the monitor is empty but the feedback dial is reacting, jumping around like a second hand on a clock. “Someone is trying to contact him out there. Damn it, I need eyes out there!”

“Engineer 2, hard reboot, now! Do it! Do it now!” Captain 2 yells into the intercom. The voice echoes out over the entire brain.

 

All the lights in the Frontal Lobe shut off at once, everyone holds their breath. The Pilots in Movement Center tighten their harnesses, preparing for the worst, hoping for the best. The alarm is now silent.

Then all the lights pop back and with a whirr all the equipment picks up again, the monitors click on, the sensors align themselves, and the entire staff sighs in relief.

Captain 1 emerges from the hatch in the floor and hugs Engineer 3. The room bursts into applause.

Pilot 1 over the intercom says, “Resolve this situation, don’t let it happen again!”

 

BACK TO REALITY

 

Spider-Man stands directly in front of Deadpool, snapping gloved fingers in his face.

“Hello, Deadpool? Are you listening to me?” he says.

Deadpool’s head flicks up to focus on Spider-Man’s huge, masked eyes.

“Did you just say you love me?” Deadpool asks.

“I, um. I guess, yes?” Spider-Man says, visibly embarrassed now, “and a lot of other things, too. But, I mean…”

Deadpool cuts in, “Can you say it again?”

Spider-Man huffs back, “All I said was ‘I love you, man’ but I was trying to tell you that the…”

 

Pilot 1 slams a fist onto the dead control panel and shouts over the intercom, “What the fuck is going up there?” as the computer systems black out again.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> My only goal with this was to make people smile. And to recreate that scene from Spongebob where his brain lights itself on fire and cracks in half inside his head. because we all could use some meaningless and light hearted fluff.


End file.
